Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
