And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
