He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize