I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
