I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
