btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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