Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
