you guys were way drunker than both of me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
