hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
