I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
