Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
