I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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