I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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