Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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