How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
