My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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