are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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