Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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