We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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