sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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