Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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