My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
