so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
