Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
