just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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