last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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