yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
