just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
