we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
