I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
