im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we should paint friendship bongs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
