I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's blow job season.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
