: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
