This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
