Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
