I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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