roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
