Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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