I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
