The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
