I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
