i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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