After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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