oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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