he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
