Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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