Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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