When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
