The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
