I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
wow bdsm is so cute
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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