Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
