Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
