I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
