I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
