So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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