thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
