im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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