I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
