I think I am morally bankrupt
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize