I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
