I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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