I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
