need another drink. this is the easiest way
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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