I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
