Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Randomize
