we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
